Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
