And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
