she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
