Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
