I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
