ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
