Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
