Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
