I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
