I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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