Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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