My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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