just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
