Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just invented taco cereal.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
