i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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