i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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