question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
