i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
