I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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