He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
