I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
