You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So vagazzling was a success
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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