Don't make out with my wife yet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize