i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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