Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
