i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
