Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
