I think my fart just growled at me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
