I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
