If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
