I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
