Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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