I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
