Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize