My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry about my life...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
