if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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