Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
