When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize