Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
