Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
