she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she told me i tasted like america
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
