we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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