I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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