dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
