just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
