halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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