im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am naked and annoyed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
