After last night, I could never be a politician.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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