So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just found puke in my bra..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
