found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
