if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
