Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
