Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
