He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize