If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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