so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
