i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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