I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
