So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
