so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
