you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
