i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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