when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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