do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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