I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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