I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
