what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
