Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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