True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to make out with him forever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
