I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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