i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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