While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
