i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
