Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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