HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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