my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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