i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
