you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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