i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
