I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
