woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
worst night to have a conscience
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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