ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
