youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
