Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
