Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
