She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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